Let me describe a hypothetical situation that may be partially or wholly real for some readers.

Your boss just told you that the company is creating a plan to reopen the office next month. You’re anxious, right? You have worked at home for nearly a year. It’s been a struggle in many respects and there have been benefits too. A particularly significant benefit is that your relationship with your partner, wife, or husband feels better. There seems to be more to talk about, less arguing, and more compromise – all these occurring effortlessly rather than forced. Before the pandemic, the relationship was laced with subtle (sometimes harsh) tensions about getting the children to school, or something about the house, or your career, or your other’s career, or a seemingly endless list of stressors. That’s all changed. Even if your situation is entirely different from that described above, somehow, you have found a more comfortable flow at home and it feels good.

The prospect of going back to the office is worrisome. Although you have been in video meetings with work colleagues on a daily basis during the lockdown, you’re anxious about being in the same physical space with them and it has little to do with exposure to COVID. Something has changed with your comfort level with them and you’re not sure what it is. Maybe it’s that extra 10 pounds you can’t quite lose in order to fit into your work clothes, and that makes you feel awkward. Maybe, you’re not sure about your relationship with them. Before the pandemic, you felt valued and respected, but now you’re less confident about your connection with the team. During the daily video conversations, there’s a subtle tension between each word, each sentence, and each part of the interactions; you can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know that it’s there. Somehow, your flow while working has diminished and it feels uncomfortable.

Your boss explained that the reopening plan has three work schedules, and you have been asked for your preference about these, i.e., it appears that you have the option to select how you want to work. Some employees will work full time at the office, others will work a hybrid two-day-in-office-three-day-at-home schedule, and others will work from home permanently. Once the company gets the preferences from all employees, the management team will assign the work schedules. You’re not guaranteed to get your preference, but it will be taken into consideration by management.

So, the question is which preference should you select? Before you choose, consider the divergent flow patterns that evolved over the last year – better at home and diminished at work – and the factors that may have affected the patterns.

Flow is a mental state in which a person is completely immersed and engaged in an activity, wherein they are fully focused, energized, and enjoy the activity. I have observed four interrelated factors that affect flow: body residence, propinquity, attuned relating, and co-creation.

• Body Residence. Harvard Philosopher Henry James stated 130 years ago, “The body shapes the brain which shapes the mind.” Meaning, what we think and is influenced by the behavior of the body. Specifically, where, and how the body is positioned will have a lot to do with the thoughts that reside in the brain. A person’s environment will affect their way of thinking and the threats and opportunities they observe. For example, if a person lives in Berkeley, California, their ideologies will be heavily influenced by what occurs in the most liberal city in the US. Conversely, if they live in Mesa, Arizona, their ideologies will reflect the environment of the nation’s most conservative city.
• Co-Creation. Author Margaret Wheatley speaks to the reality that much of what we become in life, and our ultimate potential, is co-created through relationships with others. From birth through adulthood and old age nothing exists independent of these relationships. Our sense of connection and community are derived from relationships which also alleviate loneliness and boost well-being.
• Propinquity was first theorized by MIT psychologist Leon Festinger in the 1950s. It defines how healthy relationships tend to develop among people in close proximity with each other and with frequent interactions. It has a lot to do with exposure. Meaning, the more exposure stimulus a person gets from another, the more likeable the other becomes and the more influence they have. Although “virtual propinquity” can occur in the digital world, the research shows that physical closeness is still the most powerful predictor of quality relationships.
• Attuned Relating, described by neuroeconomist Paul Zak, is the influence that one person has on another’s state of mind that occurs through conversations. It is how brains develop in infants and attachment emerges in adults. It involves words, facial expressions, and other body language that create interconnecting emotions, goals, and thoughts with another person that ease stress and strengthen human bonds. Literally, looking into the eyes of another person is a form of social interaction that influences brain development.

So, in choosing your work schedule consider where you are in your life (work and home) and where you want to be, and answer these four questions:

1. Which work schedule will offer the ability to observe opportunities that are most important to you (Body Residence)?
2. Which work schedule will generate the greatest potential and sense of well-being for you (Co-Creation)?
3. Which work schedule will provide the greatest exposure to influential and healthy relationships that matter to you (Propinquity)?
4. Which work schedule will give you the greatest access to conversations that stimulate the personal development that you desire (Attuned Relating)?

Everything in life involves trade-offs – few are more difficult than those that affect the balance of what occurs at home and at work. Even if you don’t have the flexibility to choose your work schedule, by answering these questions you will have better access to the tradeoffs and control over the flow you want to create.